A Pot of Tea
by writersblock99
Summary: Equius Zahhak wants nothing more than to teach his flushed quadrant crush how to make a pot of tea, but Aradia has other plans. Some fluff, but mostly blackrom antics. T just to be safe. Equius/Aradia, Equius/Gamzee caliginous.
1. Preparations

Making tea is actually relatively simple. Just put the kettle on the stove, wait for the whistle, and pour the boiling water in with the teabags. Let steep, but not for too long. Equius Zahhak could never understand what was so difficult about this for Aradia Megido. He tried to teach her, really she did, but she always seemed equally inept in the field of tea-making as in the field of advanced robotics. (Also strange, Equius thought, as advanced robotics are not particularly difficult either). He was determined however that she should learn to appreciate the finer things, a peasant of the lowest imaginable caliber though she may be.

Sometimes he would lie awake at night, wondering if it was even possible for one so low on the hemospectrum to learn to make tea without getting burned or setting fire to anything. Maybe it was one of those things, like hoofbeast portraits, that one simply had to be born with an ability to understand and enjoy. She never seemed to much like drinking tea either… but regardless, it was important to him that she learned if they were ever to be together.

She didn't know his feelings, but he did. Her strength of character, her nobility of stature even in light of her pitiful birth; she was a blueblood at heart, whether she knew it or not. She was so royal in taking command of a situation, that Equius would sometimes sweat so hard he would need to wipe himself off with a towel just thinking about it. The delectable way she would show impertinence to those above her… so distasteful, so depraved. He had to teach her to properly make tea, and someday he would even teach her to love fine art. It was an obligation that he choose only a sophisticated matesprit.

Of course, it was difficult to teach her not only the grounds of her lack of born talent, but also due to her apparent hatred of him. She refused to come to his hive except very rarely, and when she did, she was unwilling to be taught. She would not listen to him, as a lowblood should. So disgraceful… so sexy. It was only at very great insistence over the Internet that she one day agreed that she would come the following night.

Equius woke up early, around dusk. He had to make sure that he was ready for the arrival of his trash-blooded love. He placed straightened some of the paintings around his hive, put away some of his more compromising robots, and used a towel to polish his horns to his a dull luster.

Impatient and ready to teach Aradia, he got on his computer in the hopes that his moirail Nepeta would be online. She wasn't, but he decided to write her a quick message anyway. He began trolling her and quickly typed, "D - The peasantb100d will be here very soon," and sent the message. After a moment, he added, "D - I have removed all of my particularly STRONG robots like you said I should. I have also shined more horns." He sent this final message and closed the Trollian client. Would she even receive it or do you only receive messages sent while you are online? He wasn't sure. He was still new to Trollian and Sollux was frustratingly unwilling to explain features of it. Equius attempted to get the yellowblood to talk about it quite often.

Equius moved to the entry chamber of his hive and began pacing back and forth. She was absolutely, undeniably, utterly repulsive. There was nothing at all acceptable about Aradia's bearing, behavior, class, sophistication, personality, or even appearance. He had no excuse to be so in hearts for her. And maybe that was exactly why he was more in hearts than he had ever been before. She fought, she yelled, and she acted exactly as one of her class would be expected too – and Equius loved it. Oh, that only he could be the lowest of the filthy low, and that she could be the blueblood and put him in his… Equius shook his head. These thoughts were wrong and offensive, and unbefitting of his social stratum.

After what seemed an eternity, finally there was a knock at his door. He went over to the door quickly and reached to open, but hesitated at the last moment. Would he do any better at showing her today? Was she corrupting him with her dark-red impurities? Did she have black feelings, not reciprocating his red? Worse, did she really, platonically hate him? He shook his head. He had to keep it together.

His hand met the doorknob and he turned it. He opened the door.

His excitement died when he saw that it was not Megido waiting on the other side.

* * *

A/N - My first fanfic. Reviews are always appreciated, even if they just say "u suk dude"! xD I have a five chapter outline laid out - we'll see what actually happens (probably five chapters but you never know). Thanks for reading!


	2. High Society

Equius stared at his feet as Gamzee Makara sat across from him. He didn't know what to do; Aradia was bound to arrive any moment, and Gamzee was sitting right there, at his table. His plans would all be ruined. He had tried to ask the highblood to leave, but Gamzee refused in an uncharacteristically unkind way, and Equius could hardly insist, with their class differences.

Gamzee was sipping a Faygo, and was unkempt as usual. Disgraceful, Equius thought, that someone so high would be as filthy as a peasant. As filthy as her… he quickly found that he was sweating profusely and buried wiped his brow, trying to be subtle. Equius glanced at Gamzee, who was just staring at him blankly.

"What do you want?" Equius finally asked.

"Shut the hell up."

Equius gaped, flabbergasted at Gamzee's language.

"My word!" he exclaimed, "You are using… this use of language…" he began losing his confidence. How dare he challenge what words a violet-blood used?

Gamzee laughed. "What did I just say?"

Equius stared at the ground, sweating even harder.

"Well?" the highblood went on, "What did I just say?"

"You told me to be quiet." He didn't look up.

"No, blueblood. I didn't tell you to be quiet. I just told you to shut the hell up."

"This is most improper! You will stop!"

Equius' face turned dark blue when he said that.

A look of uncertainty crept across Gamzee's figure.

"I'm not very good at this highblood stuff," he finally admitted. "But you like it, right?"

Equius felt himself hold back anger just a little bit. "Sir! You shouldn't apologize to me!"

"I gotta say, man. You sure are good at helping me get my confuse on. I'm just trying to give you what you want."

Equius quickly spoke up. "Thank you sir, but if you wouldn't mind, I humbly request that you lea-"

"So in the spirit of making you sweat like a pig, you just need to shut. The hell. Up."

Equius started staring at the ground again. It didn't even occur to him to wonder why Gamzee was so eager to 'help'.

"This is… positively… depraved," Equius stuttered out, eliciting a laugh from Gamzee. Equius began trying to think of an excuse to leave the room.

"I sent… Nepeta a rather important message earlier-"

Gamzee finally shook his head and sat way back. "I'm like, really bad at this. I've just made this so damn awkward."

Equius didn't laugh or smile, but he did find this humorous. Gamzee, though he was chuckling, did not.

He wasn't here to make small talk, after all, or just to yell and scream (although yelling and screaming was certainly a necessary part of the equation). He was here to win over Equius as his kismesis, and he was determined to do it.

Gamzee was not very good at kismesitude, and he knew it. He had never managed to keep a kismesis for more than a couple days, no matter how strongly detracted he felt to them. They always dumped him, complaining that he was too relaxed for a caliginous relationship; but he was determined that this would one would work. His hatred for Equius, that pretentious snob, was one to pierce the heavens and make the mirthful messiahs frown, a hatred to erupt all of the Faygo volcanoes the Ghost Carnival offered, and force the resulting smoke to combine into one middle finger of subjugglation. He was, so to speak, rather defatuated with Equius. He had even eaten less sopor pie than usual so he could be on his toes for this! It was a bad sign that he was already messing up and being too unnecessarily polite, but, but… ah man, is it even worth it?

Gamzee felt his frow burrow and he sat back up – it had been a long time since he had been this deep in thought, and he didn't necessarily like it. He shook himself back to awareness, and nodded to himself. He was doing this.

Equius was still staring at the floor, attempting to keep his composure. Sweat was falling off him by the gallon, and the hive was starting to smell even worse than usual. Gamzee took a long sip of Faygo and drummed his fingers against the table loudly, getting Equius' attention. No point putting it off any longer…

"Well," Gamzee said, splotches of purple barely suppressed on his face, "I did come here for some damn reason."

"What?" the other quickly chimed in, losing his façade of cordiality.

"You know, we've been talking to each other a lot lately, and-"

Gamzee was cut off by a loud banging on the Hive's door. Equius, drenched and uncomfortable, walked over to the entry room and checked through the window before opening the door. Upon seeing who it was, he froze. Not like this, not now, not while I'm so sweaty, he thought. Not while the highblood is here!

All the color drained from his face as he started to open the door. His plans for Aradia were ruined.

* * *

A/N – This chapter was simultaneously one of the most awkwardly difficult and fun thing I have ever had the good/bad fortune to write. And I'm sorry for Gamzee's mouth/lack thereof, but I reeeeally don't want to move this up to M, and I'm also not a big fan of taking unnecessary risks with my site membership. Sooo yeah, paranoia is the reason for that.


	3. Hate Triangle

Aradia Megido stood outside Equius Zahhak's large hive impatiently. It was high on a cliff, overlooking several other hives of differing sizes. It's shape combined with the color made it look foreboding to some trolls, but Aradia wasn't interested. Especially not right now. All she wanted to know was what that asshole was doing frozen like an ice statue on the other side of the window.

Finally, the door opened, and she could clearly see Zahhak. He was frowning heavily, and soaked in sweat. He must have been trolling CG again, Aradia thought, rolling her eyes.

"Well?" she sputtered out, tapping her foot. "What do you want, Zahhak?"

He was very worked up, but he held open the door and said in a low voice, "Please, come in."

She walked in. The entry block, like most of the hive, was extremely bare. Its only decoration was one piece of hoofbeast-themed "art" in particularly ill taste. It made her feel a little sick just looking at it. She walked a little faster, trying not to look at it, and quickly entered the main block.

She noticed Gamzee, and raised her eyebrows. A blue flush appeared on Equius' face.

"As you can probably tell," Equius said, trying very hard not to make eye contact with her, "Today hasn't gone exactly as I planned."

"Well, all the damn better for me because of it," Gamzee said with a dark smirk.

A look of alarm crossed Aradia's face, but was quickly hidden beneath a neutral expression.

"Whatever," she dismissed, pulling out a chair from the table and sitting down. "So what do you want? I was planning on spending today with Sollux, you know, so I hope this is important."

Equius almost lost his composure, but with a nervous wipe of his forehead, he spoke.

"Sollux? Why?"

Aradia glowered at him. "Not that it's any of your business, but me and him are dating."

"Dating, like, flushed dating?" Equius realized he was gripping his leg hard and let go. He was sweating harder than ever.

Aradia scrunched up her face for a second, as if in distaste. "What? No! We're moirails, idiot. What do you even want?"

Equius untensed a little bit, trying not to show his relief. He wiped his brow again, wishing he had a towel.

"W-well, I was hoping that we could perform more of our culture lessons." He began blushing again, knowing she wasn't going to be interested.

Gamzee laughed. "You don't have any clue how to get your flirt on, do you, blueblood?"

Equius and Aradia both shot him glances; Equius one of terror, Aradia one of anger.

Aradia gave Equius a pointed glance.

"Maybe you should go make sure the cookery block is ready. You're going to make me create more of that disgusting leaf drink, right?"

get him as my kismesis!"

A dark Equius gave a relieved sigh, nodded, muttered something about doing that, and walked out as quickly as possible. The door between the main block and the cookery block shut loudly behind him, and Aradia could hear nothing from the other side.

She immediately glared at Gamzee. "Why are you insulting him so much?"

He laughed and shook his head. "I don't know, man. This is insane, and I haven't said anything or anything… but I am feeling pretty in spades with him."

Aradia hopped out of her chair. "No you're not!"

Gamzee looked at her sideways. "Are you not cool with that, AA?"

"I'm pretty damn not okay with that! The whole reason I came today was to see if I could gleam appeared in Gamzee's eye. "Ah, man. That really sucks."

"Yeah, well, you can go home now."

Gamzee shook his head. "Sorry, 'fraid not."

Aradia grimaced. "Why not exactly?"

"Well, you see…" Gamzee trailed off, not entirely sure what to say, "I came here to get my black on with Equius. And that's exactly what the hell I'm going to do. And if you have a problem with it, then, well, that really sucks."

Aradia sat back down, but tensed. "So, that how it's going to be. War."

"Well there's no point in thinking of it like that. How about, friendly competition?"

"Gamzee, there is no such thing."

The door began to open, and Aradia pushed one finger to her mouth, looking at Gamzee hurriedly. He did not acknowledge her, but instead hopped out of his seat and walked towards a display case.

As Equius walked back into the main block, his tea set washed and prepared for Aradia, the first thing he saw was Gamzee about to hit Aradia with a very fragile, very priceless hoofbeast portrait. Equius sprinted over, pushing Gamzee to the ground with ease and agilely grabbing the painting, putting it back in its place.

"What the devil is going on here?" he exclaimed, angrily.

Gamzee began pouting madly, "It's her fault! She said she was going to kill my moirail!"

* * *

A/N – Wait, didn't I say something about sopor pie earlier? Yes, I believe I did. I foresee shenanigans taking place.


	4. Subjugglation Tactics

"What?" Aradia exclaimed.

Equius was stunned silent for a moment, but choked out, "Aradia, did you do that?"

"No! Of course not!"

"She's lying, man, of course she did. Why would I say it if she didn't?"

"Highbloods never lie," Equius reasoned.

"Why you-!" Aradia started leaping towards Gamzee, who swatted out his fist, and sent Aradia flying.

"I didn't say anything!" she yelled out. "I didn't do anything, got it? And I don't like people telling fibs about me!"

Equius stared at them, shoked.

"This is most improper…" he muttered, trying to think of something he could do to stop them.

Aradia stood back up to charge again, this time with a hoofbeast portrait. Gamzee glanced at him, as if trying to read him. It was then that Equius realized what he had to do to save his possessions and his potential matespritship.

He quickly moved himself in between Aradia and Gamzee. Aradia stopped, glaring at him.

"This is between me and the clown."

"No, Aradia. This is impropriety at its worst! You two will stop fighting, immediately."

"What are you, our auspitice?" Aradia grumbled, angrily.

"Whoah. Just listen to what he has to say, okay?" Gamzee said, with a subtle sneer.

"Yes, I suppose I now am!" Equius admitted. "You two are obviously dangerously black for one another, and you have to tone it down before you hurt one another seriously, or damage one of my paintings."

Gamzee smiled a small, hidden smile. Aradia's face turned dark red, and she started sputtering incoherently.

"Buh! Buh! My pla-"

She looked at Gamzee, her eyes widening.

"You! You did this!"

"What?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.

"You started a fight between us, then used your mind tricks to get him to auspitice us so that you could-"

Equius cut her off again. "Stop, you will stop! Either stop fighting, or leave this hive."

Aradia couldn't possibly hope to get Equius for her kismesis if she was kicked out, so she just stood there, leering, and crossed her arms over her chest. Gamzee grinned, not bothering to hide it.

"Alright, thank you." It was then that Equius noticed how hard he was sweating – it was coming off him harder than it had all day, creating a dreadful stench. He wiped his face with his hands, trying to pull himself together, and spoke again. "We're going to do this the traditional ashen way. I'm going to talk to you both individually, starting with the lowblood, and depending out the status of your problems, we will progress from there. Do you both understand me?"

"Yeah, absolutely," Gamzee said, gleefully.

"Ugh, whatever," Aradia said with a sigh.

"Good," said Equius, trying to wipe his face again. He had to get a towel quickly. Why didn't he get one while he was out of the room? He pointed to Aradia. "Follow me."

She rolled her eyes. He walked out of the block, holding the door open for the red-blood. He closed it behind her, and lead her through the cookery block to his respite block. He grabbed a towel and wiped himself off. He looked at Aradia.

"Okay, now-" he began.

"This is stupid. I don't want to be his damn kismesis."

Equius started sweating harder again. "Just tell me what happened, okay?"

"Fine. Me and Gamzee were arguing about something, you came into the room, and he grabbed your picture and threatened me. Are we done?"

Equius stared at the floor for a minute. He shook himself, and looked back at Aradia. "Did you threaten to kill his matesprit?"

"Does he even have a matesprit?"

Equius shrugged.

"Well either way, no I didn't. I didn't say anything like that, and I find it stupid that you think I would."

"He said you did. Highbloods don't lie."

Aradia looked at him in shock. "Have you never met Eridan? Highbloods do nothing but lie!"

"He does not lie. He states his genocidal intentions outright."

"Oh, yeah right. Everyone knows he's just trying to impress his moirail and get her into a more flushed relationship."

"The very notion is ridiculous-"

"It's also true. He's a liar, so just shut up."

Equius wiped his face with a fresh towel.

"Well," he said, nervous, "I think I've heard what you have to say."

"Whatever."

He lead her back out of the respite block, through the cookery block, and into the main block. He gestured to Gamzee, who nodded and began following him back through the hive.

Aradia waited till she knew they were in Equius' respite block, and then followed, hoping she could stop Gamzee from doing what she knew he was going to try to do. She moved through the cookery block and noticed that the respite block door was left just a little open, so she stood right out of sight and listened.

"She did not say that?"

"No man, I don't know what came over me, but I feel nothing but bad about it."

"Then you aren't in black, and we have no more need for the relationship anymore."

"That's right bro."

There was a brief silence. "Well…" Equius' voice sounded, "Good."

Gamzee began speaking. Aradia knew what was about to happen, but she couldn't seem to move to stop it. She was frozen in terror.

"So, as long as both of us have the quadrant empty, I was wondering if you would want to be my kismesis."

A silence, and the sound of a towel wiping hard against skin. It was too late! She froze, and then he asked! Stupid stupid stupid! After a moment, Equius spoke.

"Well… uhh…" Aradia stiffened up, waiting for his answer. "Yes," said Equius. "I think that would be acceptable."

"Great, man."

Aradia suddenly realized she was shouting.

"WHAT? What- no, no, no! This isn't- It's not- ugh!"

Before she knew what was going on, she was running through the cookery block, running through the main block, running out the door, tears streaming down her face.

Gamzee grinned huge, knowing he'd won. Equius simply stood there in shock.

His chance was gone.

* * *

A/N - This wasn't originally what I had in mind for the ending, but it works. So take it.


End file.
